Governor’s Ball 2016 started off great. Father John Misty gave a great performance of  his amazing record, I Love You, Honeybear, as he always does, and Action Bronson brought out Mario Batali, smashed a watermelon that a fan handed him, and ate a tray of nachos on stage, because apparently rapping about food every three lines isn’t enough for Bronson’s Gov Ball experience. Other great acts also performed over the course of the first two days such as Bully, Years & Years, Big Grams, Beck, The Strokes, Lord Huron, Against Me!, Thundercat, Torres, Albert Hammond Jr., Mac Miller, De La Soul, and finally… the last act I was able to see, Miguel.

At first the rain was fine. Though it came unexpected, it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Miguel performed on the entire time, kind of reminiscent of Prince’s Super Bowl Halftime performance. It was honestly a great set, despite the rain, especially since it stopped. However, although we were momentarily excited that the rain wouldn’t ruin Gov Ball for us, like 2Chainz’ verse on “No Problem,” the rain poured down on us in biblical proportions. If God revealed himself to me and told me that it was ark building time, I wouldn’t have been surprised. That’s how much rain came down. It was like walking in a swimming pool.

“Okay,” we all said, “we weren’t prepared for it last night, but tomorrow the forecast is a downpour so we’ll gear up and be super ready for the rain!” Next thing that happens, we wake up, and Gov Ball is delayed. Some acts at the beginning of the day like Betty Who and FIDLAR are cancelled, and then as “is Joey Bada$$ still performing” and other questions revolving around the fate of the day pour into Gov Ball’s twitter like the rain had done to my face the night before, it was announced that the entire last day of Governor’s Ball 2016 was cancelled. So, I sliced off my wristband, took off my rain gear, and decided to write the saddest article of all time.

Thus, here’s everyone I didn’t get to see at Gov Ball 2016:

  • The Killers
  • Vic Mensa
  • Vince Staples
  • Chet Faker
  • Joey Bada$$
  • Gary Clark Jr.
  • Courtney Barnett
  • … and worst of all, Kanye West

NOT ONLY did I not get to see all of these artists and Kanye West perform tonight, but Lorde announced that she was going to come up and special guest perform with Kanye during his set. If it couldn’t get any worse, here’s the lineup for the Hot 97 Summer Jam at Metlife Stadium. Featuring artists such as G.O.O.D. Music w/ Pusha T & Big Sean, Travis $cott, Young Thug, Chance the Rapper, Post Malone, and Desiinger, all of those artists would have ended their set before the headliner, Future, and would have had time to make it over to Kanye West’s set on Randall’s Island, and have performed a hugely decent chunk of The Life of Pablo, and other Kanye West hits, especially since all of those artists have had their hands in big Kanye albums over the past three records. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Kanye West showed up at the Hot 97 Summer Jam with Pusha T & Big Sean as “G.O.O.D. Music” later tonight. It’s what should have happened for me, and as I’m writing this at 5:08pm, it still has not rained.

Now, to finish off The Saddest Article of All Time, here’s everyone who has died before they could see the release of Frank Ocean’s next album:


UPDATE (6:45pm, 6/5): It rained for a bit, and then stopped at 7:10pm.