It might be October 26th, with Halloween just around the corner, but for R. Kelly it’s already Christmas season. Every one sit down, because this is the best news that you’re going to hear in a long, long time. It’s Bump N’ Grind Christmas. Putting out a stream of honestly mediocre albums like 2014’s Black Panties and last year’s The Buffet, I didn’t know what to expect from R. Kelly’s next release, save for praying for the next installment of Trapped in the Closet. Whether it’s okay to listen to R. Kelly or not, he’s insane, and I still love him. I think his sincerity towards his music, even as ridiculous as it sometimes (like a Christmas album), is hilarious, and it’s all coupled with the fact that the guy can sing like a musical genius.
As imagined, this R. Kelly Christmas album is smooth as hell. “Christmas Lovin'” might just be the smoothest Christmas song ever written. This is all that should be played on Christmas music radio stations (oh and that Paul McCartney song). 12 Days of Christmas has everything you would want from an R. Kelly album: a reference to his debut record 12 Play, a full tour in support of the record leading up to Christmas, a picture of R. Kelly drinking scotch by the Christmas tree, an additional picture of him making the exact same pose outside in the snow, and the most ridiculous Christmas lyrics of all time (from “Snowman” – “I’m just a snowman lookin for a snowgirl, someone to share my world”).
There’s also countless mentions of “I wanna unwrap you,” “your body is my gift,” and the line “lay you down and fill your stockings up” sung at the same intensity as the end of “I Believe I Can Fly.” An R. Kelly Christmas album might actually be the oddest thing to happen as the election draws nearer, but it might just be exactly what we needed to distract us and send us into a Christmas-minded bliss two-months away.